Will you blow on my dice?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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