a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
