I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
