end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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