yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
