I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
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Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
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Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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