New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
