On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
