I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
