New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
