Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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