Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
