I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
