I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
this is an emotional support booty call
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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