Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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