I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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