You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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