found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
