I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
