Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
