I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She told me I should be a condom model.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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