you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
