I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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