The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
