How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
