got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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