Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
