he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I should be sponsored by Trojan
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
