k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Boobs are out for the taking
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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