Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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