sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
