16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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