I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
