better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
