before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
