Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I've blown a few things in my day
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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