My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
