have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
