i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
