you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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