Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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