I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
