Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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