I cannot find my penis.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
