My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
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He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
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You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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