broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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