i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
