Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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