I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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