guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
handjob tips. give me some.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We need a shit load of segways right now
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
