I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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