You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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