Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
