No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Ketchup is God's man juice
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
