escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
