no, he came in my armpit
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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