i just wanna soil my oats bro
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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