I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
