Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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