I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
