Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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