That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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