he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
