very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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