U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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