He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
